The invisible cord

My parents came down tonight so Claire and I could go out for dinner, to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We ended up have a lovely evening, but leaving him was really hard.
It’s nothing to do with perceptions of competence – my parents are probably far better equipped to deal with any problems than we would be – just that being out, without him, is somehow wrong, unkind and generally neglectful.
We both independently felt a cord, a link that we were straining against to go down the road to Monty’s. (They liked that it was our first trip out since we went there on the 31 July, and we ended up with complimentarywhisky and baileys!) There was a near-physical queasiness to every metre we travelled away from him. The dominant feeling was one of being incomplete – we are supposed to be a trio yet here we are with a third missing.
Once in the restaurant it was easier, but i was still aware of missing him. Every time i am not with him, Claire is, and that’s what i’ve come to trust. So being with Claire, and without Leo was just weird.
Mum said it gets easier. Another piece of advice i have to take on trust – can’t say i believe it at the moment. But mum, and mums generally, are usually right.


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