Claire dropped him off at 8.00 then went off for haircut. I picked him up about 1.00, after calling at 11.30 and them saying he was doing fine.
He was pleased to see me, but he was happy anyway. He’s eaten lots but he hadn’t slept, so i put him down after two readings of Ten Little Ladybirds. He slept for two hours and then was his usual self.
It is very heartening that he seems to be settling in OK.
He was a sweetheart at the nursery, they said. He even ate a bit. But he cried a bit when we picked him up at 12.00, which upset Claire.
All afternoon he was quite cranky, and was clingy with me this afternoon (Claire went to have a meeting with Elaine about thier jobshare).
I think it disrupted his calm – such a new thing to have to cope with. Also, his sleep patterns are a bit out. He didn’t get his naps at the usual time. Tomorrow it’s a half day, then i’ll pick him up – and we’ll see how he is then.
So i suppose we are OK, but our fears are still there. It wouldn’t settle down quickly, though; it will probably take him (and us) months to get used to it.
In half an hour we take Leo to the nursery for the first time. Claire’s been worrying about it in advance – i am worried now.
All my rationalisations are as nothing – deep down i fear he’s just a little boy and the world could eat him up. And i know it doesn’t make sense but i still worry.
Claire’s preparing for going back to work, reading what’s going on since she left work eight months ago. There’s no choice – we need the money. I know that the recent [60s – 80s] trend for mum-at-home families is a historical aberation – both parents have worked. But i can’t shake of a feeling that i should be able to provide for Claire and Leo without her having to work.
I feel guilty that i’ve chosen a low-paying career. And angry that society values the work i do less highly than, say, a tax lawyer. If i were doing something that paid more, there’d be less pressure on Claire to go back so soon. And i know that everything works out, but it doesn’t change the underlying rumble.
Bits of work needed on the house, and the joist-that-may-be-sagging – never mind the garden – all have calls on the purse, which isn’t as well stacked as a year ago. I know that a child changes the finances, but it is nevertheless a bit of a surprise.
He’s got no idea, of course! And i wouldn’t change anything – maybe just change the laws so that public sector salaries double…
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We spent yesterday night and today with Susie and Shaun. Today we went to see Shaun’s houseboat, which he’s about to sell. We walked along the river, took the ferry across to a lunch pub, then took the water taxi back to the houseboat.
So Leo has had 2 trips in boats now – a veteran! He was concentrating a lot, and occasionally smiling. He watched the sails of the yachts going by.
I held him on my lap on the taxi – as i was talking to him about what we could see i felt quite overwhelmed by showing him different aspects of the world – so many things to show him, and see afresh for myself through his eyes. It takes so little to make me misty-eyed about him.
He caught the sun a bit too – it was a crazily hot-n-sunny day for March. But it seems to have helped his eczema – maybe it is just the lack of sun!
Mum and Dad came down on yesterday – they spent some time with Leo, and Claire and I sorted some stuff out and got ready for our trip away to the South Coast. Things get done so much more quickly when Leo’s being entertained by someone else!
Dad helped me plant out some beans, and Mum chatted Leo around the garden. Dad read books with him, and even got him to drink some water! It’s great to see Leo so trusting of them; getting to know them. He’s probably spent more time in Humby with Claire’s parents: oddly we go there more often as trips there are planned well in advance as they are further away. And it gives me a insights into my early years would have been – lots of talking! All warm and fuzzy.