This morning he stood behind a chair, then peeked round the corner and looked at me with a ‘Boo!’.
He’s been getting the idea of hiding/revealing, but only when it’s Claire or i doing the work. This is the first time he’s done it himself.



He was holding Claire’s watch, and trying to stand up against the bed. He couldn’t get a grip while holding the watch. He stared at his hand, then found the solution.
He placed the watch on the floor, pulled himself up, then reached down for the watch. So now he’s displaying an awareness of what is and isn’t possible (rather than try, fail, then get angry) and also planning how to achieve a goal in multiple steps. More than i can achieve at 7.20am.

Where does the time go?

What happened to the last week? No idea. Still, it’s 23.20 and i’m still up – Claire’s out bowling. Oh yes she is. So a catch-up.
Claire’s birthday came and went – like mine really. I think they’ll always be an anticlimax now after the excitement of Leo’s birthday. Still – he gets much more from it that we do so that’s OK.
Leo has had his NCT-babies birthday party. He didn’t like it much – he cried at the singing of ‘Happy Birthday’. Later he got more grizzly and by Monday had got himself an eye infection. He had raging fever and MississippiSnot but is getting better now. Raging dry hacking cough not fun though.
He’s learnt some new tricks.
Shake up high, shake down low from sing and sign (basically, he holds his hands over his head then by his knees)
-a lovely clap-hand-to-mouth-while-saying-aaaaah thing – i can’t call it what would explain very clearly without Jenny shouting at me for native american sterotypes.
-nodding. He’ll tip his head forward so his chin is on his chest when you say ‘yeeeessss’ to him. And he’ll do a shake for ‘no’ and a shake for ‘yes’, too.
Ever so cute ever so often.

Upside down

I hadn’t tried upending him for a while – he’d never liked it. But now he’s walking and bumping into things, he’s got a bit happier with rough and tumble – he loves throwing himself off my lap across the bed or sofa.
I was swinging him around by his ankles today (to Claire’s slight disconcertment). But he was giggling away and looked cross when i stopped! Just fearing for him on climbing frames now.

Love and Death

Fairly gratuitous Woody Allen reference.
Been thinking about preparing my will; Claire and I bought the DIY packs before Leo was born but obviously never got round to it.
But it’s forcing me to contemplate my death, and i feel something unexpected. I now understand that i never used to have any particular fear of death. I didn’t want it to happen, but any emotion was focused on ‘what if i hadn’t done xxx’. I had no strong feeling that there was something in the future that i really wanted to experience.
Now i fear for what i would really miss.
[OK, something spine-shiveringly weird just happened. As i concluded typing that sentence, Leo started crying in his sleep. He wailed a couple of times; we went in and he was asleep and seemed quite calm. He’s asleep OK now.]
So, it’s him i’d miss. I don’t think he needs me as such – it isn’t for his benefit i wish to stay alive. (Though i do wish to stay alive and i know he does need his daddy.) The visceral feeling i have is fear of what i could miss – birthdays, paintings, performances, tantrums, successes, failures, partners, children…